Momentary Pangs
by SmallCat1776
Summary: A series of one-shot poems regarding the death of Major John Andre.
1. Hamilton (Peggy S): The Price Paid

**Hamilton/ Peggy Shippen: The Price Paid**

I have my duty.

I have to persevere in spite of this injustice.

I have to carry on

Though I feel it is wrong

In a way, I regret what is about to happen.

I regret what I have heard

Though he is guilty of nothing save service for his country, he will die.

It's the way things will be.

I heard the sentence.

Two days from now.

They will hang a duty-bound man:

They will hang John Andre.

'Arnold has betrayed us.'

The will say that

If they discover what was done.

If they find my part in this, they will not hesitate.

They might even condemn me, for playing a part in this as well.

Why should a good man die?

Why should a good man be sentenced for death?

Is it wrong that a man fulfill his mission for his country?

My God, I truly fear for him

For the pain he will soon endure.

I fear for him

For the vast unknown that will await him at Tappan Hill

My God, I truly fear for him.

But he will soon be gone.

He is a gentleman.

He is a loyal man

He is a handsome man

A man I respect.

A man whose life I would willingly, gladly trade for mine.

He is an honest man

He is a noble man

He is a man I have reason to trust willingly.

In a way, it could be said that I love him.

I adore him.

I feel for him

I know him

Major Andre.

Head of British Intelligence

Son.

Brother

Major

Friend

Lover.

He is so much more.

Though

They merely name him Spy.

For Major Andre will soon die

He will soon be gone.

My heart is shattered

How can I bear this?

How can I go on?


	2. Andre: Final Thoughts of A Condemned Man

**Final Thoughts of a Condemned Man:**

How did I end up here here?

How did it come to this?

In a word: duty. In two words: Duty and love.

I was formed from out of nothing.

Formed from the will of Providence into a boy

And that boy became a man

And that man became a soldier

And that soldier became a Major

And that Major became a part of something

Something greater than himself.

I was a soldier, once.

A product of my Army

A product of training and discipline and the traditions of the Service.

In those days I lived only to serve

Only to obey

Only to follow the orders of my King and my Country

Only to serve as part of a system

I lived to serve because I was trained to serve

It was what I had become.

What they had made me.

What I did, what I have done, I did out of duty.

A duty to my King

A duty to my General

A duty to England, and to the Empire I was sworn to serve.

But there was another duty which bound my thoughts and words

Another duty which became a part of me

So many months ago

So long ago that an eternity bridges the time

between then and now.

This duty did not arrive announced

It was not heralded

By clarion calls or the beating of the drums.

It was not brought to light

By the flash of firelocks

Or the sound of wind swirling through the far-off banners

of some distant Regiment of the Crown.

It came instead from a gentle word

Spoken amidst the tender, flickering light

Of a single glowing candle, shining as a beacon of hope

A hope for a future unfettered

by the questions of loyalty, duty or honour.

It came from a whisper

Uttered from the shadows

Unafraid of conventions or rules or traditions

Instead concerning itself

With the moment, with the purity, the tenderness of the embrace

Which caused it to be uttered.

Perhaps it was this duty

This second duty which some will call my folly

That led me here

Alone, with neither escort nor arms

To the foot of Tappan Hill.

But I say nay, it was not the duty of love

Which has led me thus, to the fate which awaits me here

Love does not destroy, it merely creates.

The destructive discourse which will come with the rising dawn

Comes with the war, the horrors of this end

I do not fear the fate that will await me

Nor do I regret the choices

Which have led me to this end.

I regret only that I have but one duty

One choice

One part of myself

Which I can defend.

I go to my fate a soldier, dressed in scarlet and gold

A hero of Britain, gallant to the last.

But it is not the soldier whose life I would spare from death

Were it within my power.

Let him die!

Let him be slain upon the field

As Achilles was at Troy!

Instead, I would spare the lover's life

Spare him from fate

And reunite him with the woman

For whom all he has done

Has been fulfilled.

Let them embrace one final time

Let her never know the sorrow

Of losing the man she loves.

I pray that she, and the world will know

That I go to my fate unfettered and unafraid

Of the vast eternity

Which shall soon o'ertake my mortal senses.

I do not wish to die a hero's death

Remembered by fame and story

For simply doing his duty

Nor do I wish for gilded monuments

Or requiems of sorrow

To be sung in memory of me.

I only wish the world to hear these words

The words I will say tomorrow

Before the momentary pang

Which shall embrace my mortal life:

I pray you will all bear me witness:

I go to my fate

like a brave man.


	3. Sir Henry Clinton: Unanswered

**Unanswered**

The General reads the words, and his heart shatters in two:

"With all the Warmth of my heart

I give you thanks for your Excellency's

Profuse kindness to me

And I send you the most earnest

Wishes for your Welfare

Which a faithful affectionate and respectful

Attendant can frame."

He cannot believe the words

At first, he does not want to believe them.

How can this be?

How can the plan have gone

So horribly awry?

And as he reads the words, he thinks of them: his comrades

The men who have been directed

By Providence to become

A part of this scheme of folly.

He thinks of the Ranger:

Reckless yet undaunted in his cause

Unfettered by regulation

Or uncertainty of purpose.

The man who begged for him to send his men

Into the breach, to retake what was lost.

Should he have allowed it?

Should he have sent the Rangers

To fight and bleed and die,

So that he might recover

The man who was left behind?

He thinks of the Major:

Law. Order. Authority.

The beacon of hope in a distant corner

Of an island drifting in the shadow of York City.

The man whom Major Andre

was in constant contact

The man the Major always seemed to doubt

But secretly seemed to trust.

Should he have heeded him?

Should he have placed more faith

In the words of the "Oyster Major"

And allowed him to be

A bigger part of this endeavour?

He thinks of the renegade

The man who formerly commanded

His Majesty's Queen's Rangers.

He who was scorned, cast down at Andre's feet

All because he

Could not obey a simple order.

Should he have acted sooner?

Should he have done something

To curb his damned ambitions

of a Northwest Passage

So that he would not have

A reason for revenge?

He thinks of the General.

Himself, the man who is in charge

of the Army in America.

The man who Andre trusted

More than himself

The man with whom

The plans were first discussed.

Should he have been more firm?

Should he have ordered Andre

To remain behind

While some other officer

Became part of the exchange?

Should his right-hand man

Have been spared from the fate he caused?

Lastly: the traitor comes to mind:

Arnold: the turncoat

The objective of this scheme.

He who will come

From out of West-Point's walls

to join the Crown's armies

And fight in a coat of scarlet

Against his former side.

Should he trust Arnold?

Should he trust the man

Who thus condemned

the Major to the gallows?

Should the turncoat traitor

Be granted a command

When all he has done

is cause havoc and confusion?

He has no answers.

He can do this no longer.

Andre, the man who is like his son,

Is condemned to die.

How can he go on?

Arnold has joined him...

Who can he trust now?


	4. George Washington: Treason's Capital

**'Treason's Capital'**

The General stands before the gallows

Watching the scarlet-coated man

ascend to where he will meet his fate.

But his mind is not on the man condemned to die

Instead, he thinks of the man who turned away from him

The man who had been his finest

The hero of Saratoga

Victor at Ticonderoga

Defender of Valcour.

'Arnold has betrayed us.'

He remembers those words

Uttered under heavy breaths

Uttered amidst confusion and exhaustion and panicked breaths

There at West Point, where treachery was carried out.

He remembers the look upon the faces

Of the men he has come to call his sons:

The youthful Colonel with the auburn hair

With eyes eager for revenge

Eager to enact his justice, America's justice

Upon the perpetrator of this crime.

The boy from a foreign land, unsettled that his newfound cause

Should suddenly come unraveled

At the utterance of a single sentence.

The boy who has admired America more than his home

Who has trusted the General more than his own comrades.

And lastly, he recalls the dejected gaze

Of the young Dragoon

The man whose intelligence

Unraveled this bitter plot against him.

For just a moment he cannot help but think

Of another boy, a friend of the Major

Who suffered the same fate upon the tree

As the man in scarlet, walking towards his fate.

But then, with a heavy heart, he thinks of him once more:

Of the fourth son

The son who will not return.

The son for whom all the promises of fame

Or glory, or gold will never be enough.

The son he should have trusted more

The son for whom he did not give his all.

No, not his son, his mind begins to say.

His son is slain, cut down by treachery

By war's embrace, by conflict's dismal call.

The man he has trusted with America

Has turned away, embraced the enemy.

He has turned, and from that turning

There can be no return.

He has been betrayed.

He has been deceived.

All have been deceived

By this blackguard, this enemy of the cause.

No quarter can be shown, not here, not now

Not when the Army stands

Upon the cusp of victory.

At least, he thinks to himself

Watching the Redcoat climb towards the scaffold,

One perpetrator of this scheme is caught

At least some form of justice will be done

Some recompense

For the cost of this betrayal.

"I pray you will all bear witness"

The Redcoat says to the world

"I go to my fate like a brave man."

'A brave man,' the General tells himself.

A man of courage, not the coward

Who has fled his cause, who has thrown it away

All for some coin, for payment he felt due.

He knows these facts

The man he trusted would not flee the field

He would not shirk his duty

Or dare to turn away

From that which he believes in.

But it is done.

The man he has called his son

And brother in arms

Has fled, as Lee fled

As Conway fled, a traitor to the cause.

He is no longer the brave and gallant man

Who rallied his forces

And carried the day at Saratoga.

He is no longer the man

Who formed the bold blockade

And fought the British Fleet

At Valcour Island

Or the man who stormed the garrison

With Allen at Ticonderoga.

As the noose drops away

The General pauses to wonder

How it will feel

When he must face the prospect

Of a second execution

This prospect is a thought he cannot bear.

Arnold has betrayed him...

Who can he trust now?


End file.
